What I Am Doing With My Parents’ Money While I Am Unemployed

-Buying kittens from shelters and giving them to homeless people.  I think this is great because it saves the kittens and offers a good friend (or meal) to someone in need.

-Hiring my roommates to clean the apartment.  Asking them doesn’t work, and also I’ve never tried it, so instead I just pay them $25/hour each to clean up.  I definitely have the time, supplies, and skills to do it myself, but it’s just so much easier to waste my parents’ hard-earned money.

-Buying illegal drugs.  I am always so “coked up” or “high” or whatever the slang term is for using drugs all the time, which I totally know because I buy so many drugs.  Mm, gotta love that lysergic acid diethylamide.  I especially love the way that drugs make me totally incoherent, irritable, and physically ill.  It’s even better when they ruin my career, relationships, and criminal record.

-Hiring the Mexicans on the corner to paint my nails.  They do it better, and cheaper.

-Buying everything I find on The Worst Things for Sale to see if it’s really the worst.  I highly recommend this site if you like things that are really terrible, especially if you like having a closet stuffed full of really creepy sex toys and drawers full of unnecessary and/or completely ineffective tools.

-Going to job interviews and pranking the person conducting it.  Whoopee cushions, squirt guns, and fake hands that fall off when you shake them are some of my favorites.  I think it demonstrates how fun I am to work with.  Also it makes for great YouTube videos.

-Buying every offer I get in iOS games to get free extra lives and hints and levels.  I paid $40 in Temple Run to get 400,000 coins and 500 gems, just because it was a good deal, even though I already had over 500k coins and almost 600 gems.  But NOW I have a million coins and a thousand gems, which is so much better!  My quality of life has improved drastically.

-Writing absolutely sincere and honest blog posts about my life which are totally true and not completely and obviously sarcastic.

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One Response to What I Am Doing With My Parents’ Money While I Am Unemployed

  1. Grace says:

    Oh Meg, you do make me smile. And making your parents so proud!!

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