How to be healthier

You guys, I don’t know if you knew this, but I am probably the most healthiest person you’ve ever encountered.  (I’m so healthy that using correct grammar to describe how healthy I am just doesn’t cut it.)

I only get sick fourteen times a year, and I can run a mile in under twenty minutes.  I also eat really well, which I’m sure of because when you eat well you only need to poop once a week.

So I thought today I would share with you some tips for how to be healthier.  You might want to bookmark this page for reference if you are trying to improve your lifestyle.

1. Incorporate more whole grains into your diet.  For example, yesterday, I could have just eaten a slice of leftover pizza for lunch.  Instead, I ate two whole-wheat sandwiches AND leftover pizza.  If you’re the kind of person, like me, who doesn’t really always like the taste of whole wheat bread, it helps a lot if you dip each slice in butter.

2. Choose healthy snacks.  A great choice is Nutella on a spoon.  Nuts are good for you, but eating straight almonds or something is gross.  Nutella is a great compromise, because you can get all the protein that a handful of nuts would give you just by eating an entire jar of Nutella.  (Also, you can make your own right at home!  Just put 2 hazelnuts in a blender with 6 bars of chocolate, 12 cups of sugar, and a quart of oil.  Blend til smooth and enjoy!)

3. Get your heart rate up.  It’s a myth that you have to exercise to be heart-healthy – you can also work out your cardiovascular system just by sitting on your couch and watching a horror movie or playing a game that scares the shit out of you.

4. Drop some weight.  I find I can lose about 30% of my weight just by taking off my backpack, or even just removing a few books from it.  If you don’t carry a backpack, you can try putting your purse or briefcase down instead.

5. Drink more water.  A lot of people find it difficult to remember to keep drinking copious amounts of water throughout the day, but I find it’s easier to keep on your mind if you keep yourself thirsty.  Eat salt straight out of the shaker or just have a few shots, and you’ll be well on your way to remembering to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

This entry was posted in Bad ideas and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to How to be healthier

  1. I don’t know if you know me, I’m one of Tom’s friends, but rest assured that “Nutella on a spoon” made me laugh so hard I choked on my tea. And I’m in the library. And now the keyboard is all tea-y. And everyone’s looking at me funny. That was evil. You should write all future blog posts with tea-drinking, laptop-less library citizens in mind (i.e. not hilarious.)


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s