I don’t have a cavity. It isn’t the dental apocalypse. The Mayans were wrong. And when the hygienest cleaned my teeth, she didn’t even use the horrible scrapey thing. There was a vibrate-y water thing instead. It sounded worse than death but it took like literally three minutes to clean all my teeth. Which was crazy. It was probably alien technology. They’re probably aliens. That would also explain why they weren’t running late, because every dentist ever is always running late. Good try, aliens, but you didn’t do your research. Your cover is blown. En garde!
I have been watching far too much Family Guy & Doctor Who.
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The Mayans could still be right. They could be training their vibratey waterpicks on our teeth to test its destructive powers before unleashing them on humanity (much like how cats do that little press-tapdance-thing on our laps to find our weak points).