Things I Cannot Do Without the Internet

It occurred to me yesterday that the greatest downfall of my generation is that we’re pretty incompetent without the internet.  Half of the things I ever do involve finding instructions on the internet first.  For example, here is a list of lots of things I can only really do with the internet’s assistance:

-Get directions.  I am not good at Real Maps or translating someone’s verbal directions into actually going somewhere.  I have a knack for getting Horribly Lost going anywhere at all.

-Fix anything. Except my computer because my dad is kiiiind of a genius like that and just because the internet is broken doesn’t mean the phone lines are down so I could just call home.  Although if cell phones aren’t working either, I don’t have a land line and every pay phone I’ve seen in this town doesn’t actually have a phone on it any more (I would like to know why they don’t take down the whole box instead of tricking everyone with a silly phoneless eyesore.  I don’t know who is in charge of stealing the phones off of pay phones but if I find out I am going to personally deliver the rest of the pay phone to their house because beggars can’t be choosers.) so I guess I would just have to hope that Tom could fix it, but yeah right, Tom couldn’t use a Mac if his life depended on it.  Although let’s be honest, it’s a Mac, so it’s not gonna break anyways.  Three falls off the top bunk and it just keeps on truckin.  (Also I just realized – if there was no internet, would I even USE my computer?  …Actually yes, yes I would.  Because video games, and the calculator app.)

-Stalk people.

-Remember which stains come out with hot water and which ones come out with cold water.  Note to self – I should probably just look this up right now, write it on a post-it, and stick it on the washing machine.  Or not because I’m super comfy not getting up right now.  Or ever.

-Finish any of my homework because it’s all posted online.  Which honestly is really not a big concern of mine because I’m assuming the internet isn’t going to break until the apocalypse and nobody’s going to be studying early imitative polyphony when there are zombies downstairs and/or radiation outside.

-Remember the names of all the My Little Ponies.  Except my favorite, Rainbow Dash.  That’s the blue one with the popsicle-striped tail.

-Cheat at Words with Friends.  Which I guess doesn’t work anyways because there is no internet.  Never mind.  PS I totally don’t cheat at any game ever.

-Be able to self-diagnose myself with WebMD.  By the way, I have five types of rare cancer, I’m always pregnant, and my nervous system is totally broken.  (Note to Mom if you are reading this: I am not actually pregnant.  Yes I am sure.)

-Look at pictures of cats.

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4 Responses to Things I Cannot Do Without the Internet

  1. zadimortis says:

    Losing the mass international transit of cute cat pictures and .gifs will truly be the downfall of human civilization as we know it. Nobody will have anything to live for anymore.

  2. Tom says:

    My life depends on using Macs all the time, little did you know. Shows how much you pay attention to me in our relationship.

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