It’s probably a bad idea to put this on the internet

Today was my brother’s last day of high school.  His final project for math was to write a letter to next year’s seniors.  Yes, that was a math project.  I just spent way too long trying to come up with something witty to say about that but I don’t think I even know enough math to be able to make fun of it.  Math is like, something about numbers I think.

Anyways he had a lot of homework to do last night because Becoming a Master Procrastinator is one of the graduation requirements at his school.  He had one night to finish three projects.  Including this one-page letter giving advice to future seniors.

So of course, me being the best sister on the face of the planet, I wrote the letter for him.  He made about two edits and turned in this beautiful paper:

Dear Senior,

The biggest thing you’re going to have to worry about this year is whether you’re awesome enough.  Senior year is seriously going to suck if you’re only kind of awesome.  But don’t freak out.  I’ve got your back.  Being awesome comes down to like three basic things, which I have ever so kindly written down right here for your reference.  Study this carefully, and I guarantee you will succeed.

First things first: stay organized.  Or get organized, if you’re already a slob.  Keeping track of stuff (and when it’s due) is the key to success in school.  Although I hope by now you have figured that out, since in this respect senior year is not terribly different.  There’s just more to keep track of, with things like college applications and more AP classes and of course the demanding adoration of the underclassmen.  In case you’re not already good at organizing stuff, allow me to reveal the secret to organization.  The secret is…drumroll, please…doing the bare minimum!  Yes, ladies and gents, all you have to do to stay organized is the absolute bare minimum!  All the bare minimum consists of is writing down important things like test dates, college application due dates, and assignments in the same place (a planner is good) and putting papers away.  And, you know, actually doing the stuff you wrote down.  Everything else is completely secondary and frankly kind of anal.

The next step to senior success is to avoid letting yourself be frozen with fear.  College applications, AP tests, and relentless loads of homework can be very intimidating.  While procrastination is an important life skill, don’t lose sight of the bigger picture.  In case you already have, the bigger picture is that if you can manage to do it all (and you can), you get to move out of your parents’ house!  What better motivation could there be?!  Whenever you feel the urge to quit working on your seemingly endless college essays or AP study guides, just remind yourself that you’re doing this for the sake of achieving the bigger and better things in life.  Like not living in your parents’ basement when you’re 30.

Finally, the best advice I can give you is to just enjoy the ride.  Nothing beats the perks of being a senior.  Assuming you actually get any.  But if you just keep pointing out all the time that you deserve everything because you’re about to graduate, eventually people will give you what you want.  Even if it’s just because they want you to go away.

So with these great words of advice, I bid you good luck and adieu.

About halfway through that last paragraph I hit the one page mark and completely stopped trying.  Still I’m pretty sure I’m totally going to get an A.  A for animatron.  Like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park in Florida.  I love dinosaurs.

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